A few times a week, the neighborhood cat, Gladys, puts dead birds and moles on the doormat. These unwelcome gifts made my chest tighten, so I bought her a collar, one with bells. But she was a born killer, and tiny bodies continued to appear on my porch.

You might know at least one person who drags strange or upsetting things into your life–not to please but to torment and manipulate. I want to call these folks narcissists, but they are something else:
Imps.

Imps can be men or women. Friends, spouses, bosses, etc. Known for superficial charm and an inability to love anyone but themselves, Imps have a way of worming themselves into our lives. Before we can say “scat,” we have entered into a dance, one where the Imp calls the tune. Always. Or else.

Imps lie with impunity about what they ate for lunch, so how can you trust their answers to bigger questions? Worse, they believe they are the most truthful people on the planet. Redemption is often beyond these creatures. They are damaged in childhood: the hand that rocks the cradle has warts and claws. Needy, infantile Imps grow into needy, infantile adults, emotional vampires that will suck you dry.

Hoping an Imp will change is like expecting a killer cat to become besties with a mouse. And it’s not as if you can confront the Imp, using logic or psychology. They’ll just get angry and self-righteous. Imps don’t believe for a second that they possess damaging qualities, because they’ve bought into their own hype: theyare perfect. You are the problem. Deep down, they have zero self-esteem, but they’re in denial about that, too.
So the craziness continues.

Shunning an Imp isn’t easy, especially if you are related to one by contract or blood. You can build an emotional wall, but walls can collapse. Very often, an Imp will swing a sledgehammer, hoping the bricks fall onto the victim. “See how much you need me?” the Imp will say.

Sometimes Imps leave gaps in the wall, inadvertently allowing their prey to escape. But it’s a ruse. If you ever see a gap, run like hell and don’t look back. If you’re stuck, pray for guidance and grace–and a Teflon-coated spirit. Like any emotional terrorist, they understand the cycle of hurting and wooing. After a cruel act, the victim won’t receive a fistful of bloody feathers; they might be offered a pearl necklace, a bottle of merlot, a fancier house or car–anything that can be bought. Anything with a price tag.
But nothing from the heart.
No love, loyalty, empathy.

You cannot change an Imp, but you can stop carrying him on your back.  You can stop hoping the Imp will change. That kind of hope turns into a burden.

Lay down your burden.

Today’s Joy Lesson:
Today, I won’t let anyone break my peace.
Today I choose joy.